What She Doesn't Know.

What she doesn’t know.

Every time when I would get a delivery that would take me away from my family for a few days I always had a set routine that she never knew off. You see it stared just after Geostigma was cured. Tifa and I had stayed behind at the church after all the children and the rest of AVALANCHE had left. I was still stood in waist deep water and still stood by the water’s edge neither of us knew what to say or do. Another few minutes went by before Tifa made the first move; slowly she stepped into the water edging all the closer to me. My breath caught as she placed her small hand against my face.
“Cloud are you coming home now?” She asked her voice barley a whisper.
“If you’ll have me” I replied a small smile gracing my lips. Her hand left my face then and a small barely noticeable punch meet my arm.
“Of course you idiot” Tifa smiled and then quickly turned and left the water and began making her way out of the church. I stood there a little longer a little annoyed that what I wanted to say was yet still left unsaid.

It was only a few days later when a large delivery came in. I had no choice but to expect it, it would take around a week to get there, drop of the items and then return home. When I explained to Tifa how long I would be gone I could see her eye’s sadden as well as the tone in her voice, however she believed I couldn’t see it nor hear it and I would act like I didn’t know. The day my journey began marked a change in me. I got up early around 4:30am and showered as was dressed and ready for my journey but as I passed Tifa’s room upon heading down the stairs I paused, something stopped me from going any further. Carefully I opened the door and stepped into her room. As I expected she was fast asleep with the covers tightly wrapped around her small frame. She looked perfect. I wish I could tell her how I felt but I had retreated further into myself concealing my feelings even more. However something about seeing her fast asleep like that made me want to open up. I approached her sleeping form and brushed some stray hair out of her face. She looked so at peace, so beautiful in the moon light that peaked through a gap in the curtains. I leaned down and pressed a fleeting kiss to her forehead, my heat beginning to beat a mile a minute at my action but it was a welcomed feeling albeit a scary one.
“You don’t know this but Teef, I really do love you” I whispered before I left the room knowing she won’t of heard what I said, it sadden me and made me feel happy all the same, all because I had been able to say those words finally.

Since then it had become a necessary part of my routine when I was going away for any longer than a day. I so wanted to tell her as what she didn’t know was hurting me but then again saying that to her whilst awake was something that was a little too scary for me to deal with right now.

As for the days that only involved going away on deliveries in the city and surrounding areas my routine always involved making sure I had breakfast with my family. Would you say I was happy well not really the right word to use was content well as best as I could be. I had one more inner demon to face and it was the hardest demon that I would ever face in my life. The one demon that stood in the way of my confession the one that would mean telling Tifa exactly how I felt to her face.

It would take time but I was sure eventually I would be able to say the words that she needed to know to her face one day, until then, I would keep telling her how I felt while she slept.